The act of betrothing oneself to another is a peculiar thing. Never before had I experienced such a vibrant mixture of fear, nervousness, excitement and jubilation. Allow me to explain. On December 21st I asked a girl to marry me. She's not just any girl, for the record, but I'll keep her out of my online fantasy world for the time being (despite the fact that SoberDan.com will be half hers someday).
Having never asked a girl to marry me before, I was a bit nervous and fearful that , despite what I thought was a reasonable chance she would say yes, she would say no. In order to keep from breaking out in hives from the stress, I contemplated only briefly on this option. To ensure that victory would be mine, I decided to approach the whole thing using a theory popularized by a 21st century U.S. President.
As a military tactic, "Shock and Awe" was a resounding success. The theory, of course, is that a quick and decisive victory can be achieved by catching the enemy by surprise and overwhelming the enemy with firepower and aggression in the first moments of a battle. Our military actions in Iraq and Afghanistan are excellent examples.
Knowing that most girls don't grow up fantasizing about how they are going to say "no" when a Prince Charming sweeps them off of their feet in marriage, I decided that "Shock and Awe" might also work in this situation. If I could only catch her so off guard that she wouldn't have time to think, she might just be "shocked" into saying yes. I also decided that thrusting a giant chunk of pressurized carbon towards her left hand might also aid my cause, completing the "awe" part of the equation.
My plan worked. As of December 21st I'm an engaged man. The "Shock and Awe," while probably best used as a military tactic, can be successful in finding a wife as well. My only hope is that there isn't an insurgency that arises after the occupation begins.
You better watch your borders buddy. I have been known to infiltrate into occupied territories and undermine the current regime by wooing the pants off of the citizens. You have "Shocked and Awed", but I have the stamina to outlast you and your international support.
I know I have said it before, but congratulations to both of you. Since you are getting hitched in Florida, I propose a Harley Wedding. The two of you can tie the knot and then ride off into the setting sun with your bare asses sticking out of your chaps. Now that is romantic.