Lest ye think that this is an X-rated post, rest assured that this post does not contain anything that CBS wouldn't put into a half time show. Nudie touch is a popular video game often found in bars where they serve Stroh's on tap.
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When I go to bars, I usually have plenty of time explore the different features of an establishment. While others are dropping Jaeger Bombs in rapid succession, I'm looking at juke box songs and the various mirrored and neon signs on the walls. I try to read every scribble in front of the urinal. I even notice what kind of hand soap they have (in the rare instance that hand soap is even available). Having always been attracted to shiny or flashy objects, I usually find my way towards the touch video game on the bar top. While the machine plays poker, blackjack and about 40 different times of solitaire, I'm always drawn to the Nudie Touch.
Nudie Touch can take two basic forms: two scantily clad persons (could be a guy or a girl) appear side by side on the screen and you must touch the screen in the five spots where the pictures are different, or it could be a series of pairs of scantily clad persons hidden from view until touched (much like the popular Match game we played long ago).
Nudie Touch is a great way to bond with friends. There's nothing more fraternal than four or five guys standing around a 20 inch screen touching a girl in a bikini. After four or five years of hanging out in bars, I've become pretty proficient at Nudie Touch to the point that I've got several high scores under my belt. Like any sport, the skill of one person is defined in relevance to the performance of others. In my case, most of my competitors were probably half drunk at the point of competition. Regardless, I'm proud of my accomplishments.
Just this last weekend my team of Nudie Touchers and I were able to beat out not only "Pimp" and "Joe. T." for high score, but "Playa 1" and "Playa 2" as well. Admittedly, beating out "Playa 2" isn't quite like standing on the medal podium at the Olympics, but my athletic accomplishments were usually along the lines of "Most Improved" or "Best Effort." High score is a big deal to me. Surprisingly, I can't find a sanctioning body for Nudie Touch. Perhaps I've found a new career path to pursue. How much do you suppose the Commissioner of the International Federation of Nudie Touchers makes in a year? Hopefully enough to support my five dollar a week Nudie Touch habit.