A Popularity Test



Posted on December 22, 2003 05:20 PM

In many ways, I think one can judge popularity on a criteria based on the exchange of Christmas Cookies.

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For example - I received a plate of Christmas cookies each from six different people. That makes me twice as popular as someone who only received three plates of cookies and half as popular as someone who received 12 plates (which is a whole helluva lot of cookies).

Using this rationale (which, I assure you, is 100% logical), I've developed a scale of popularity that you can use to determine how popular you are and how successful you will be in life. The first step is to calculate how many plates of cookies you've received from unique donors (six plates from your mom doesn't count as six, it counts as one). If you are the type that makes cookies for others, you should calculate how many plates you gave out this year (again, unique recipients). After you've calculated the results, compare to the scale below:

0 Cookie Plates: no cookie love=loser. If you're not Jewish, then you have a problem. You need to make some friends.

1-2 Cookie Plates: You are marginally popular, at least with your mom and your Grandma.

3-4 Cookie Plates: You're of average popularity. Somebody besides your mom brought you a plate of cookies. That's respectable in my eyes. Keep striving for excellence and next year you'll improve

5-6 Cookie Plates: You are extremely popular. You were probably Homecoming King in High School, and now you're king of cookies. Use your likeability and good looks to help others during the giving season.

7-9 Cookie Plates: You are a god among men. Be careful, though, if you eat all of those cookies this year, you'll drop in popularity next year because of your saggy midsection.

10+ Cookie Plates: You are either Santa Claus or Bruce Lee. Thank you for gracing my website with your presence, Mr. Lee. You are a badass ninja (if this is Santa, then you, too, are a badass).

There you have it. If you're not as popular as you thought, keep reading SoberDan.com and next year the cookies will flock!


Comments:

So if you got 6 plates, that means you were probably Homecoming King at Moline? I've seen the pictures from then, I didn't know that look was considered "cool." But to each their own, I suppose. Merry christmas.

Posted by: Kreis at December 23, 2003 09:16 AM

How does giving cookies make you popular? What if they were poisoned, or what if they taste like tires? If you give out 7-9 plates of nasty tire cookies, I don't think you should consider yourself a god - you should consider yourself a failure and resign yourself to obtaining a lifetime subscription to Martha Stewart Cookies. If you only make 1-2 nasty tire cookie plates, then you'd be cooler, because at least you're smart enough not to spread gloom and depression from bad cookies to more than two groups of people. Nothing says Bah Humbug like a tire cookie.

Posted by: StephBeck at December 24, 2003 12:07 PM
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