I declare today a national holiday. I declare that all public offices and institutions will be closed today. I declare that I am not going to work today at all, even though I work at a college that doesn't observe federal holidays. While I'm making declarations, I declare that I will now be referred to as "his Eminence."
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Here's my official declaration:
NOW, THEREFORE, I, DANIEL T. ASLESON, President of SoberDan.com, do hereby proclaim December 17, 2003, as Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Day and urge all Americans to observe November 17 through November 23, 2003, as National Kick Ass Movie Awareness Week. I urge all Americans to recognize the valor and sacrifice of our film makers and actors through appropriate public ceremonies and private prayers. I call upon Federal, State, and local officials to display the movies of Peter Jackson and to encourage and participate in cinematic activities in their communities. I invite civic and fraternal organizations, places of worship, schools, businesses, unions, and the media to support this national observance with suitable commemorative expressions and programs.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this seventeenth day of December, in the year of our Lord two thousand three, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and twenty-eighth.
DANIEL T. ASLESON