Cub's Playoff Tickets

Essay #5

Stephanie should go to the game with Dan and Dave because they will all have lots of fun and the Cubs will win.

Proof:

Let’s assume that Stephanie does go to the game with Dan and Dave.
This would create a string of positive emotions and relaxed conditions that will inevitably lead the Cubs to victory.
First, Stephanie’s parents would be relaxed that she is out of the house so they can stop feeling awkward after finding porn in her VCR. These emotions will permeate the entire Schaumburg area and eventually make their way to the Cubs dugout, where thoughts of young girls watching porn is very invigorating.
Second, when the Cubs do well, Stephanie will jump up and down. This may catch the camera-man’s eye and he will put her on the TV. Thus, everyone will be cheering and the Cubs will win.
Third, Stephanie represents a small number of the Cubs target audience. By bringing her it will raise awareness that there needs to be more attractive twenty-something females who are huge Cubs fans.
Finally, if Dan were to bring Stephanie and another hot single chick willing to go on a date with him, it is assured that Stephanie would have no problem making out with her in front of him to show her gratitude. This too, will undoubtedly catch the camera-man’s eye and have the same effect as the second condition, putting the Cubs (and Dan and Dave who are having fun because they brought Stephanie) in a win-win situation.
So if Stephanie goes to the game the Cubs will win.