Cub's Playoff Tickets

Essay #3

In Dusty we Trusty

Dusty Baker rocks, but I really think the catalyst behind the Cubs this year has been Dusty’s son Darren. Think about it. He’s not allowed to be in the dugout anymore because he kept stealing signs from opponents. When Prior’s on the mound and you see D. Miller looking over to the dugout for what pitch to call next, do you think he’s looking at Dusty? Hell no! We all know that Darren is sitting on the stairs calling the shots. He’s down there saying, “Daddy, Daddy, frow him a furve ball.”

I did not grow up a Cubs fan. My allegiance shifted year to year depending on what little league team I was on, or who my favorite player was. Baseball was baseball, and I loved it. This changed when I reached Pony league and was officially a Barrington Bronco. At this time I decided to choose a team. The Cubs. I had been too young to really enjoy a “classic” outing at Wrigley Field (i.e. the bleachers, beer, women in skimpy summer outfits). Cubs fans have had to put up with a lot over the past couple HUNDRED years. With two World Series Championships pre-1910 and zero post-1910, it’s easy to call these guys the lovable losers.

Wrigley has witnessed some pretty exciting and humiliating moments in its time. For example, Hack Wilson’s RBI record, Ernie Banks (need I say more), and of course the Sosa/McGuire home run chase in ’98. They’ve also been embarrassed by Babe Ruth on his called shot, Leon Durham sticking himself with his heroin syringe while sliding into third base, and Alfonsuckass every time he tries to finish a ballgame. The Cubs haven’t had much luck, but I refuse to believe that a freakin goat has something to do with that. It’s about damn time that Cubs fans get something to cheer about. They have a great team. Prior, I predict, will reach 300 wins in about a decade. K Wood will hit twice as many players next year as he did this year, just cause he can, and Augie Ojeda will finally be dropped from the team…for good.

It’s about damn time to forget about:

Our last World Series win that involved Ty Cobb
The pathetic sweep by Atlanta in ‘98
The pathetic showing against S.F. in ‘89
Jim Riggleman
Don Baylor
Bruce Kimm
Sosa’s cork
Alfonseca’s extra finger-freakin alien

We’re here to win it all this year. That’s what we’re going to do. To bad Harry couldn’t be here to see this.