Cub's Playoff Tickets

Essay #1

This is a story of a poor little boy and his quest for
tickets to see the greatest team on earth in their
first playoff appearance in 5 years and their first
division title in 15. This is a true story. It is
not fabricated, all events and characters are real.
Times, prices, and other numbers are approximations.

Sunday, September 21:
7:40 AM - The boy gets his tired butt out of bed and
proceeds to log onto He then proceeds to
pre-type in the phone number 1-800-THE-CUBS into his
cell phone, home phone, and dad's cell phone.

7:58 AM - The boy puts his sister in charge on the
online hunt as he begins to man the phones. His
sister gets put into a virtual waiting room for
tickets. He begins making calls.

8:00 AM - On the phone side of things, the boy runs
into a hitch. It seems that there is a different
number for out of state customers, and for some reason
the cell phone signals bounce off of towers in Iowa
half of the time, rendering the number useless for
that half knocking out two of his sources. But, the
Internet and landline are still functioning, so the
boy forges ahead.

8:15 AM - The Internet is still jammed up and hope
looks as though it is all lost as the tickets will be
sold out soon. On the phone, the boy mostly gets busy
signals, and every once in a while they toy with his
emotions by letting it ring, then picking up and
playing a busy signal (what a dirty trick). But, the
boy keeps trying.

8:20 AM - Something amazing happnens, the boy calls
and hears on the other end of the line "Thanking you
for calling the Chicago Cubs ticket line, please press
1 for automated system, or remain on the line to talk
to a ticket agent." The boy waits to talk to someone
and receives the message "There are no representatives available at this time. Please call back during regular business hours." The boy finds this very odd, but then presses 1 to go to the automated system.
This is where the story gets weird. The system asks
the boy how many tickets he would like, the boy types
4. The system says "We have tickets available in
Upper Deck Terrance section 237 seats 1-4, press 1 if
you want these tickets". The boy presses 1. The
system says "thank you, your total will be $94.00, and
will be delivered Fed-Ex ground." The system then
asks for his credit card number, he types it in. It
asks for the expiration date, he types it in. The boy
is getting really excited, he's going to see the Cubs
in the playoffs. The system asks for his telephone
number he enters it. He then hears the message "Thank
you, please hold one moment. So he waits. A minute
later, "please hold one moment. He waits again.
"Please wait one moment." This continues for about 10
minutes, the boy is late for work, so he hands the
phone off to his dad and tells in to wait.

8:40 AM - The boy get to his job at the Coal Valley
Subway and receives a phone call, its his dad on his
cell phone with some bad news. His dad tells him the
system continued with this for about five more minutes
and then he heard a noise and then heard that
recognizable voice that everone knows saying "If you'd
like to make a call, please hang up and try again".
The boy is crushed, he's on the verge of tears, while
on the line, his dad and sister get through again, by
this time the tickets are sold out as they expected.
They ask the ticket agent if they had any record of
the transaction, the ticket agent does not. She tells
them the system may be jammed, to check back later.

9:30 AM - 4:00 PM - The boy knows that even though the
agent told to check back later that there was no hope.
He goes through the day depressed, telling his story
to several good patrons of Subway, and they feel for
him, even the hated St. Louis Cardinal fan. The boy
heads home.

5:00 PM - The boy and his dad make the phone call back
to the ticket agency and the boy's suspicions were
verified, they did not have tickets. The boy's quest
was over, he failed.

Now, if this heartbreaking story isn't depressing
enough to deserve tickets I don't know what is.

P.S. Dan, I can possibly offer you sexual favors from
my girlfriend, if it will help my odds, and you can
talk her into it, hehe.